Wednesday, February 27, 2008

you make a big salad dinner, and the piggies knock the food bowl over getting bedding on the nicely sliced veggies and you clean each veggie off only for your guinea pig to do it again

your friends tell you they are coming back in the next life as one of your guinea pigs

cleaning the Guinea Pig's cage is more important that cleaning your own apartment

you can tell the grocery clerk the universal codes for endive, romaine, and parsley before they can look them up

you have to have your pigs on your wedding photos and video

you ring from the Maldives to the UK just to see that they are OK when you are on your honeymoon

you buy a bigger house so they have more room

you get a new job, and your first thought is "cool, they have a paper shredder, I can get more shredded paper for the piggies!"

your guinea pig sulks when you don't carry him over to sit on your bed and watch you prepare for work in the morning

you absolutely MUST say goodbye to your guinea pigs and tell them "mommy will be back" even if you are only gone for a short while

at the end of the day, you kiss each piggie on the top of the head and say "mommy loves you"

everything you wear is covered with cavy hair and you don't care

you wear almost as much fur as your piggie does

the babies get their breakfast BEFORE you do, or you'll hear about it

you hold one, and then the others complain, so you have to make time to hold EACH one, even if it means you're up a little past your bedtime

you have a 2-story house, and your "emergency plan" for possible fires, natural disasters, etc., is all about how to get the piggies safely out, not about your important papers and valuables

when you are planning a vacation, calling the best pet sitter in town comes before even making travel and hotel reservations - if you can't get the best sitter, no point in leaving town

you leave instructions for the babysitter that have nothing to do with the two children she's supposed to be watching. she knows, however, where the 'pig treats' are when the chorus of "wheeking" begins.

you can't get any work done, 'cause you're spending too much time talking and playing with your piggies

you get sick of listening to your human children whine, but when the 'pigs "wheek" for hours on end, you sit back and enjoy it

you don't need an alarm clock most mornings, because the pigs ARE your alarm clock

you automatically smile and think pleasant thoughts when you smell wood chips

you turn on the air conditioners in the house and run up your electric bill just to make sure the guinea pig is comfortable

you are trying to describe the way a teenage boy was behaving in front of a teenage girl and the only word you can think of to do so is rumblestrutting

you go with your pals to the corner shop during your lunch break; they buy chocolate but you pick up a cabbage for the guinea pig

you hear a shoe squeak in the middle of your art class and look around to see who was wheeking

when your coworker says to you "You never talk about your cat anymore. Is she o.k.?"

when your pigs eat more fresh veggies than you do

guinea pig "pellets" on the floor are about as innocuous as brown M&M's, and you don't think twice about picking them up with your bare hands

you ALWAYS make sure that your piggy gets HIS vitamins, but you usually forget to take your own

you're a college student, but have been known to go home early from a night on the town because, "they'll be mad at me, because we didn't have playtime yesterday"

you condition your pig's dry coat with Aveda products and use the cheap stuff on your own hair

you answer the phone "wheeeeek?"

you cut your holidays to a minimum because you don't want to leave the little ones behind

your new car is a station wagon, because it can take the big cage

when you come home and say "WHEEEK WHEEEK WHEEEK!" instead of "Hello!"

your family physician asks you how your boy is doing, and you respond with "Which one?" "Your son, of course! You only have one!" and you sheepishly explain that you thought he was referring to the pigs

when you automatically assume that everyone who enters your house will want to meet or visit with the guinea pigs - including repair people and delivery people

you get up early even on mornings when you could sleep in, because you can't bear to hear them wheeking their little hearts out in hunger

every piece of cardboard you see invokes the response, "Oh, let's save that - it'll make a great piggy toy!"

you spell "week" as "wheek"

while discussing your Piggies in public, kindly old ladies ask you "...and how old are your little girls?"

you wonder if you have the right to choose your piggie's theology, so they have wooden dreidls in their box to gnaw on, and individually monogrammed stockings hung on their water bottle

you look at every stray box, tube, flowerpot, etc, as potential Piggie Habitat extenders

your computer-room chair squeaks when you move, and you run to see what's wrong with the Guinea Pigs

he wakes you up not with a "good morning dear," but with "there are starving creatures out there, you know!"

he's running to the store to get cereal and milk, and doesn't ask "do you need anything?" but instead asks "do the piggies need anything?"

your husband thanks you for putting green pepper in his salad because he knows you don't eat them raw, and you tell him, "it's ok, i was giving some to the pigs" and he says, "oh, i see, i get the guinea pig leftovers"

your pig sits on dada's lap, and HAS to be hand-fed a piece of dada's cereal "golden grahams" BEFORE dada can eat his own

your spouse walks in the door from work and goes straight to the guinea pigs to greet them, give them hay and attention, before he/she gives YOU any attention

your spouse says "i love you" in this sweet voice, and you say "I love you too" before you realize he/she is talking to the piggies and not you

your spouse won't even pour you a cup of coffee in the morning, but he/she will make sure the piggies have hay, water, fresh veggies, etc.

your spouse has pictures of the guinea pigs on his/her web site, but no pictures of you

your spouse thinks it's perfectly reasonable to spend over $100 a month on the guinea pigs food and toys, but thinks that going out to dinner (for humans only) is too expensive

you and your spouse plant a garden with the guinea pigs in mind and you don't bother planting anything they can't eat

you purr to your partner to show him your affection

isea @ 4:59 PM